Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Pour Your Heart Out: Grandparents disregard

We potty trained my daughter early. At 16 months to be exact. It took a week. Ohhh, was it one heck of a long week. We heard about this Idea of the three day, completely strip your child down, lock yourself in the house idea. We thought "why not?". It took a week and boom she was potty trained. We still put pull ups on her for bedtime, even though she rarely wet them. On car rides, over 30 minutes, I put one on her as well.

So, months went by, a few accidents here and there were to be expected. It was still a challenge to keep up. I don't want to sound like a jerk and make it sound easy by any means.

About two months ago, my Mom wanted to take the little one on vacation with her. I truly didn't want her to go. I think this would make any parent uneasy. See, my Mom can be careless at times, like leave you in the middle of an amusement park and drive away... I only say this because it actually happened to me. This added to my nerves, but still I got the guilt trip and a "I wont be watching your child any more". My parents watch my daughter two nights a week when I work nights and my husband works late. My ground crashed and I let her go. Yeah, I know I should have more faith in her parenting skills, she did raise three children, but sometimes I question whether she forgot everything she learned.

Five days later my little birdie returns... with a diaper, with crap in her pants. I was so upset! She completely disregarded all the hard work we had put into her potty training habits over the past several months! She could have tried, but instead she slapped a diaper on her the whole week. I get its hard taking her places, but I explained that to her in the "reasons why I didn't want her to go"! I know she didn't even care. Now she won't even tell us when she has to go! To put a cherry on that very poopy sundae, she had the worst diaper rash ever! When I talked to my Mom about this her response was....

Mom: "Well, obviously she wasn't ready, you started too soon"
Really, so the past several months of success was just a dream? So it's my lack of knowledge of my child and parenting skills that are at fault for the avalanche of a backtrack and diaper rash?

Despite all the evidence provided, you might say "well maybe she really did try?". I tried persuading myself with this same thought, until the other day. I was at my parents house, in the other room, working on something when I head my daughter...

Bella: "pot-tee, go pot-tee" she was talking to my Mom.
Grandma: "Honey, it's okay, your wearing a diaper, just go in the diaper"

She could have at least called for me to take her! It's not like I haven't expressed our concern and goals with potty training, it's not like I haven't already put it into polite terms for her to understand!

I hate when people throw things back in your face or hold things over your head, as leverage to allow them to do whatever they want! I can't tell her how I truly feel. The last time I did, I got a "have someone else watch her if you don't like it"

Why can't you just respect my parenting wishes. I'm not asking you to not spoil my child, or not give them treats. I'm asking that you give the simple care she requires.

If you think I'm so absurd, try watching someone give your 4 month old, yes I said 4, a carbonated soda, on a daily basis! I really do appreciate what my Mother does, I do. She is a big help. I know it probably seems like I am an ungrateful whiner. If you could only put yourself in my shoes.

I feel so unheard and powerless. I want to scream!!


  1. You don't sound like a complainer to me. You sound as though your very reasonable wishes as a parent are not being treated with respect and that's a shame. I think a part of a grandparents job is to help to care for the children the way the parents do ( I don't mean spoiling and such just basic things you're trying to teach a child:). Also they should teach a child respect for their parents by showing it themselves. is very nice to have a babysitter once in awhile.:) I hope she comes around soon!

  2. I totally agree with you and am angry on your behalf. Grandparents should support the parents decisions about how to raise their children even if they don't agree. I wish you did not need her for childcare. I think if I had another option I would be letting Grandma play a smaller role unless she was willing to be supportive. Kids need consistent messages!

  3. Oh, this would be so frustrating!

    My mom keeps asking to have my kids for week or so this summer and I've had to say no for much the same reason! Not potty training issues, my 2 oldest are well past that, but all the other things that she will do that I will then have to undo when they get home. No freaking way.

  4. Oh man! This is so frustrating!! I cannot stand when my MIL did stuff like this. My kids are older now, but I swear if I let them spend the tonight my youngest would come home and tell me he had oreos and pepsi for breakfast!

    I'm cracking up at Shell's "No freaking way" above! LOL