Sunday, February 17, 2013

It's been a while

Once upon a time, I created this blog as an escape from reality, which I shortly left. I then returned to normal (public blog) for some time only to be mocked and made fun of by a less supporting family. So I am back, to vent about that family.

If you understood the mother I had/have growing up, you would probably think I turned out pretty well for myself. I'm not the type to go all ape shit on people. I am much more of a passive, keep in all in until I can go home and write it in my journal type of gal. The thing about journals is that there is a writen documentation of your feelings that is easily accessable when someone wants to go snooping and it can accidentally get inthe wrongs hands.. can you tell that this has happened? I need the outlet! I need the venting mechanism to deal with the insane cycle I constantly battle with "HER".

The story that has let me back is for another day. Don't worry, there will be many days and many occasions to write about.

What I do want to mention this fine evening is that despite my psychological imperfections, that is what we will call then for now, I am a pretty happy go lucky person who loves being a mother! We all just need a place to go to let the shit out!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

PYHO: Working Mom

At first, I thought I was just terrified to go back to work. I got a sick feeling in my gut the days following the official offer letter. It had been two years since I worked full time in a serious career and I feared, I lack the drive and motivation I once had. I question my decision over and over and only began to doubt more when we went looking at daycares.

"Is this the right decision?" I don't know. What I do know is that we are coming to the end of the wick and if circumstances didn't change, I feared where we would be then. I'm tired of struggling and worrying about our old cars and all the problems. I had hoped I could stay at home until our kids were in school, but it doesn't look that way and I am disappointed.

When it comes down to it, that is what has given me the uneasy nerves. I almost feel as if I failed at "our" plan.

The funny thing is this job opportunity is amazing and I didn't even dream of these benefits or salary they have offered me. I have been extremely lucky and blessed with this great new circumstance but my own selfishness has gotten in the way. I hope this doesn't prevent me from succeeding.

As of this Monday, I will officially be a working Mom. Things are about to change, I just hope I don't miss it too much.

Linking up for Pour Your Heart Out with Shell from Things I Can't Say

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

PYHO: Almost was

It's not as though we were trying. We were not trying not to either. I thought I might be, just maybe. I counted the days, did the calculations and there was a possibility, a pretty big one. When I was a few days late, I thought for sure. I bought a test and anxiously awaited the results.... Negative. I was confused. Not what I expected.

Several days later, still no sign. What's taking so long? I thought, maybe there is a possibility the test was wrong. I was for sure again, excited at the thought.

This morning, 9 days late, it came.

It's not like we were trying, but the thought excited me. It made me feel alive and I wanted it. I really wanted it. The past several months we have not, not been trying. I'm beginning to think this is not possible for me any more. I've had past miscarries. That thought scares me, I want more children! Lots more children, and I want to have one in the very near future.

I thought maybe. I got excited. Not this month I guess.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Pour Your Heart Out: Grandparents disregard

We potty trained my daughter early. At 16 months to be exact. It took a week. Ohhh, was it one heck of a long week. We heard about this Idea of the three day, completely strip your child down, lock yourself in the house idea. We thought "why not?". It took a week and boom she was potty trained. We still put pull ups on her for bedtime, even though she rarely wet them. On car rides, over 30 minutes, I put one on her as well.

So, months went by, a few accidents here and there were to be expected. It was still a challenge to keep up. I don't want to sound like a jerk and make it sound easy by any means.

About two months ago, my Mom wanted to take the little one on vacation with her. I truly didn't want her to go. I think this would make any parent uneasy. See, my Mom can be careless at times, like leave you in the middle of an amusement park and drive away... I only say this because it actually happened to me. This added to my nerves, but still I got the guilt trip and a "I wont be watching your child any more". My parents watch my daughter two nights a week when I work nights and my husband works late. My ground crashed and I let her go. Yeah, I know I should have more faith in her parenting skills, she did raise three children, but sometimes I question whether she forgot everything she learned.

Five days later my little birdie returns... with a diaper, with crap in her pants. I was so upset! She completely disregarded all the hard work we had put into her potty training habits over the past several months! She could have tried, but instead she slapped a diaper on her the whole week. I get its hard taking her places, but I explained that to her in the "reasons why I didn't want her to go"! I know she didn't even care. Now she won't even tell us when she has to go! To put a cherry on that very poopy sundae, she had the worst diaper rash ever! When I talked to my Mom about this her response was....

Mom: "Well, obviously she wasn't ready, you started too soon"
Really, so the past several months of success was just a dream? So it's my lack of knowledge of my child and parenting skills that are at fault for the avalanche of a backtrack and diaper rash?

Despite all the evidence provided, you might say "well maybe she really did try?". I tried persuading myself with this same thought, until the other day. I was at my parents house, in the other room, working on something when I head my daughter...

Bella: "pot-tee, go pot-tee" she was talking to my Mom.
Grandma: "Honey, it's okay, your wearing a diaper, just go in the diaper"

She could have at least called for me to take her! It's not like I haven't expressed our concern and goals with potty training, it's not like I haven't already put it into polite terms for her to understand!

I hate when people throw things back in your face or hold things over your head, as leverage to allow them to do whatever they want! I can't tell her how I truly feel. The last time I did, I got a "have someone else watch her if you don't like it"

Why can't you just respect my parenting wishes. I'm not asking you to not spoil my child, or not give them treats. I'm asking that you give the simple care she requires.

If you think I'm so absurd, try watching someone give your 4 month old, yes I said 4, a carbonated soda, on a daily basis! I really do appreciate what my Mother does, I do. She is a big help. I know it probably seems like I am an ungrateful whiner. If you could only put yourself in my shoes.

I feel so unheard and powerless. I want to scream!!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Bella's aDORAble 2nd Birthday!

It's been a very busy two weeks and with a little delay. When I went to download the pictures, I realized I didn't have very many and the ones I did have, I entrusted my father to take them, so naturally they are mostly blurry. Bummer, but the children had a wonderful time, and that was my goal.
The theme was Princess Dora!
I got her cake from Target. They were the only one's I could find that had Dora Princess.
I also made Dora the Explorer cupcakes! I found the idea and dora template at They are not as easy as the tutorial make it out to be.
I got the Dora Picture here
The royal invitation I got here! I used photoshop to resize and insert party information.
Bella awaiting the opening of her presents! I made her birthday dress!
Each child got to bring home their own Dora Backpack filled with a crayon roll up, princess wand, and a maraca. I printed some Dora coloring pages and rolled them up like the map!

For the party snacks a served a Taco Bread Casserole with all the toppings, as well as some queso and a taco dip. The theme was fiesta in honor of Dora!
She was so excited for all her gifts!

She enjoyed eating her cake and ice cream while playing tea party in the "Explorer Room". The Explorer Room was suppose to be an obstacle course set up for the little ones. We started with Puzzle Bridge. I used her bridge slide and decorated it with cut out felt puzzle pieces. They really enjoyed that. Next was Butterfly Forest. I used a inflatable ball pit and covered it with a green felt sheet. I attached butterflies to the sheet. Finally, there was the Castle, which I used her doll house. The enjoyed the Puzzle Bridge the most!

It was so much fun!

Monday, March 21, 2011

What a Wonderful Day!

Today is a beautiful day. Little birdie and I spent the entire morning outside. I refreshed our patio and she rediscovered her cozy car! I followed her, as she pushed her car along the path in our town home complex. She kept stopping and putting her hand up to me to stay... she is so independent in her two years of age.

I'm trying to come up with new ways to landscape our tiny patio. Last year, I planted dahlia's that didn't work out so well. They only attracted earwigs and massively overgrown onto the entire patio. I ripped them out last fall. I did however, keep my beautiful rose bush. I love roses. Roses are my thing. I think instead of digging into the earth this year, seeing as how the soil can only got 5 inches deep until you reach concrete. I will just incorporate some funky pots. The patio is still a work in progress... as you can see.

I saw these super cute ones at Hobby Lobby. I kind of have this obsession with Alice and Wonderland, these would fulfil part of that fantasy!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

New Me, New Blog

This is my very first post for this blog. I have another Mommyish blog that I really put a lot of heart and soul into. Unfortunately, I've received such criticism from my family and the people around me, that I decided to create a new one. I truly wanted a place where I could go to just write and vent. However, the littlest things were being picked apart and misinterpreted. I'm sure I'm not the only one with a critical, judgemental family.

My family thinks that everything is about them. You got to love family, right?

So I created this new blog, just for me, just for my sanity. I got the idea from this blog, Things I Can't Say.